We all have goals and dreams. We have short-term goals and we have long-term goals that we have created for ourselves. Those goals can be for our personal lives or professional lives and as detailed or as general as we want. No one can judge you because they’re your goals and the only person responsible for checking up on you to make sure you’re accomplishing those goals is yourself. Although, no matter what, there will always be someone standing there to tell you that you’ll never get what you want in life. The important thing is how you react to that adversity. In my opinion, there are 3 different ways you can respond to someone’s doubt in you. You can: 1) agree with them and immediately halt what you’re doing because you believe what they say is right, 2) you can set out to prove them wrong making their doubt the motivation behind everything you do or 3) You can ignore what they say and continue doing what you’re doing because you believe in yourself. Simply put, you can quit, prove them wrong, or prove yourself right. The purpose of this article is to address the problem with the ‘proving them wrong’ mindset and how changing it to ‘proving yourself right’ can make all the difference in overall happiness.
When you sit down and think about where you are in your life and why you are or aren’t where you want to be, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. In my life, I’ve been doubted and told ‘no that’ll never happen’ time and time again. There will always be someone there to say something negative to put you down. Stemming out of jealousy and insecurity, they’ll say “you’re not that good”, “you’ll never make it there” or “it’s only because you know (insert important person name here).” These haters will always say things. Why? They say it because it’s easy to stand on top of their pedestal and judge. It’s easy to focus on someone else’s efforts and doubt them rather than focus on their own lives and trying to accomplish their own goals. Proving someone wrong can be quite the motivator in getting something done. However, in my opinion, it is the WRONG motivator. The sole purpose and reasoning behind doing something shouldn’t be to later rub someone’s face in it, but instead to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I did it.” In the comedy world, we may hear from time to time, “You’re not funny.” Then, we get upset and think, “They don’t think I’m funny? I’ll prove them wrong!” In my opinion, that mindset is a recipe for failure; it’s the wrong mindset for a variety of reasons. Trying to prove to someone that you’re funny means you’re going to TRY to be funny which can be an absolute disaster. In this case, once you’ve shifted your motivation and reasoning for being on stage to ‘proving them wrong’ you may have just proved them right.
Furthermore, the main feat is to focus on staying on the path you’re on and not letting someone’s words deter you. Have time for a short story? Okay cool. I remember when I was in high school and I was wrestling, one of my dreams was to one day wrestle at a Division I University in the Big 10 Conference. I had just started out, but I had big dreams for myself and was ready to reach for the stars. I remember the saying “Dream big or don’t dream at all.” I remember one of the kids on the team, who had already been to the state tournament and was more skilled than me because he’d been wrestling his whole life, saying, “You’ll never wrestle at a Division I school.” For a second, because of his experience in the sport, I believed him. I thought, “If anyone is going to know what it takes to get to that level it’s someone who’s been doing it longer than I have.” Then, I wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong. Naturally, I think it’s an inborn trait that when someone tells you that you can’t do something, you want to show that person that you can. I know at first that was my first thought. Thankfully, greater minds prevailed and I thought, if I do accomplish this, why would I attribute my success to that person? They were the reason why I did all those things to get what I wanted in the first place, right? If it wasn’t for their doubt, I wouldn’t be where I am, right? Wrong. I kept that in mind and continued on my path working as hard as I could because it was MY goal in the first place. Flash forward to my freshman year of college standing in front of my wrestling locker at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, a Big 10 Division I school. I would wrestle that whole year until I quit to pursue theater and comedy (which brought me here). The choice to leave the wrestling mat for the stage is a story for another day. While I may have proved that person wrong the more important thing is that I proved myself right. My drive and determination behind every workout I did wasn’t because I had to show that person they were wrong, but instead because I knew deep down inside that I was capable of accomplishing what I told myself I could. The mindset you create for yourself is what makes all the difference in your life. In addition, personal happiness should be the end result of any goal you ever set for yourself. While it does feel good at first, the happiness you get from proving someone else wrong does not last. The happiness you get from proving yourself right, however, lasts forever.
In the end, don’t make someone else’s doubt or jealousy in you be your reason for pursuing your dreams. You should be pursuing your goals and dreams because you want to prove to YOURSELF that you’re capable of accomplishing them. Dreams don’t stem on the beliefs of others. Proving yourself right will keep you on track to continue to set goals for yourself because you believe you’re capable of accomplishing them. Proving someone else wrong will halt your goals once you’ve accomplished them because, well, you proved that ONE person wrong. With that mindset, you would need someone to step in and doubt you every time you attempted something. It’s your goal and you’re the person who set it, not someone else. Now, go prove yourself right.
